- Haiz. Don't know what happened again. It is always after cell group that something happens. This time, even before the cell group, I am already feeling emotionally sick. Somehow, I think that if I were to be strong this time, I would definitely backslide for good. And I hope that if I'm gone, I won't come back. I just hope that jessica will be alright. God, please protect her. Don't let her backslide.
`Sometimes @ 4:06 PM
- I am NOT called to do GODLY things. SO DO NOT EVER TELL ME WHAT I AM CAPABLE OF. Whatever. I don't give a damn...
Going into depression mood till further notice.
`Sometimes @ 1:08 AM
- What is love?
So many things have happened recently that I began to doubt what is love. I used to think that I love jessica a lot. But after so many things that happened, I feel that I'm drifting away from her. Last week, we nearly had a breakup. And for once, I thought I'm gonna feel sad, but in fact I didn't. I guess I'm just too tired of this relationship. Too tired of the cycle of patching up things when they go wrong, too tired of thinking what she is thinking everytime she kept quiet, too tired to even talk to her, go out with her, and even think of her. Something is definitely not right. If a relationship has to get to this point, then what's the point of carrying on in this relationship? We are only putting more burden in ourselves by dragging it any further. I don't feel the love I had for her anymore. Somehow, it has disappeared. I don't see the passion to make her smile when she is sad. And whenever I think of her, I feel stress. Every word that I say will affect her. A simple text message can simply give her a mood swing. I can't do this anymore. I think I might just breakdown anytime. But I can't tell her all this. She is fragile. She breaksdown easily. What is she stops goinging to cell group and service? What if she do foolish things? Right now, I don't even know what to do. Should I continue and wait for things to turn out to be better? Or should I end it? If I end it, will she be able to take it? This is draining too much of me. I'm really very tired of it. Where is the love that I use to have for her? Where has it gone to?
How I wish I have the answers to all my questions. Right now, I just want to bury myself with stuff so that I wouldn't think so much. I think if I ever managed to get out of this relationship, I'm not gonna get into another one for a long time. Its simply scary...
So what actually is love?
`Sometimes @ 12:09 PM
