just felt there no meaning in life. No point in living in this world. Why am i even here? Im too sick of the relationships surrounding me. Friends, Family, etc. Too sick of thinking how people will think. Too sick of being so considerate for other people. Sometimes, i really want to be left alone in my own world. All these relationships make my life so miserable, its life suffocating me. I could hardly breathe anymore. I feel like im living my life for others but not myself. Why? Sometimes, i jsut feel like leaving everything behind, and go to a place where nobody knows me. I dont know who i am anymore. Am i really being me? Or am i pretending to be me?
He's back. And out of control. I have totally lost control over him already. He's taking over my mind, devouring my life as the days past by. For a moment i thought he was gone for good. But i was wrong. He was there all along. Hiding. Till now, when the situation get worse did i realised his presence. He has totally changed my life and made it miserable. He appeared out of nowhere when i was only 12 yrs old. I didnt understand him well then. But now, its a totally different ball game. Rules have changed. And i have lost total control it. Its a game where u know whose the winner and whose the loser from the start. And yet you are forced into it, with little preparation and completely no idea whats going on...
WhAt iS LoVe?-`
`Sometimes @ 12:34 AM
went out with the OCC teachers yesterday.. hmm.. ok.. the outcome is just wat i have expected --- Indian Restaurant, eating.. trying to find topic to talk abt.. its just funny out hard we try to dig out stories to talk abt.. its sooo unnatural.. and well.. that someone was there also... To that someone(though i know u will nv get to read this), hows the meeting today man? Well im not sure if i've hurt u with my words or anything, and i really hope u dont take it to heart k? Sometimes im just being oversensitive over certain issues and its not as easy as u thought to overcome this kind of things.One thing i realise abt u is that u r not that sensitive, and this could be very hurting at times.. This doesnt mean that u r not considerate though.. at least u know i need a breather and gave me a break.. well sometimes quietness is also a blessing :) And i'm not sure wats really happening to me man.. i cant make decisions when im with girls.. OMG! I hate myself for that.. not that i cant make decision, but i dont want to.. I just scare that i might hurt their feelings or say the wrong word or something.. Why do i have to be so considerate? when we are all living in a selfish world.. Why am i a pisces?
Too many things to saya.. just dont know where to start...
WhAt iS LoVe?-`
`Sometimes @ 3:32 PM
Well.. my block leave and off ends today.. :( that means i'll be going back camp later.. after a looong holiday break. Hmm.. later i'll most likely be meeting cheehao they all at orchard.. then meet my LT jing wei and a few teachers for dinner. Couldnt turn them down could i? OMG! its the 28 already... it has already been 1 year 1 month since i got posted to NCC.. and looks like my warrant cant do without me.. lol. Just two days ago he just called again to do some work.. Omg! its my block leave! but anyway, im used to it already.. just hope that my future understudy can be as tolerent and understanding as me.. lol. and of course as diligent and clever as me.. wahaha... if not i will really pity my warrant cos he will really have a very VERY hard time.. Life just wouldnt be the same without me ;)
WhAt iS LoVe?-`
`Sometimes @ 9:36 PM
Today, i went to Sim Lim to buy a portable hard disk also.. Well.. my comp is really full of stuff and out of memory.. dont know wat i put inside also.. seems like i'll have to do some clearing up before it crash om me again.. and the new antivirus sofeware that i just install, it keeps giving me this pop up abt a network attack.. i've downloaded all the updates and patches, but the popup just keeps coming up. Now i'm scanning my comp to see if there's any virus in it.
Time really flies.. a few more days and it will b 2006! Today, i went to watch the curse of the wererabbit with Chee Hao. Well at 1st i dont even know wat show im watching cos chee hao was the one buying the tickets. Then when the show started i was like "OMG! This show?" Well i dont really like the preview they shown at the cinema. But as i continue watching, i realised that the show was actually not bad! hmm.. except for the lame ending of course.. well if u want to know how the show ends, watch the show! i'll give it a 7.5/10.
WhAt iS LoVe?-`
`Sometimes @ 10:13 PM
Went to Sentosa with a few friends today... Ok la.. the response is not very good.. a lot of ppl pang sei us.. haiz... They must have learnt form me.. lol :P Ohh.. and we saw 2 clts there also.. i shall not disclose their identity..lol..
Hmm.. my gang~
YiQi and bf~
Me and Jason~
hmm i like this photo XD (iggy)~WhAt iS LoVe?-`
`Sometimes @ 9:49 PM
Today im reeaally suprise to see sooo many tag on my board! lol.. Thns guys for remembering me... :) ok here are the list of ppl (not in order of merit) Hazaria Pinky Jason Lingz zhisheng hmmm think thats all XD To hazaria: Merry Christmas to u!! i know you are all stress up... but try to take it easy k? dun get overstress out by ur project and homework.. i've been ur stage and know how u feel.. so if theres anything i can do to help, u tell me k? --- Cookie To pinky: hmmm.. pinky! I also miss u.. but u didnt tell me ur blog or ur contact no. how to contact u? hmmm and u just came back from holiday rite? So u shld be the one giving me present.. :P joking only.. and take care of ur health k? :) ----sg ipod To Lingz, Zhisheng and Jason: hey! Merry Christmas to U guys too.. hope u all have had an enjoyable time during the holidays! and thns for visiting! btw.. Jason, u blog looks great! :)
Its christmas today OMG!! One year has passed already... Well.. didnt celebrate this christmas.. not that im busy.. im too tired and lazy XD..
WhAt iS LoVe?-`
`Sometimes @ 10:01 PM
Hmm.. couldnt find any pictures of the Penguin in Christmas Caper.. so i'll just change a "Over the Hedge" theme.. Arent they lovely? :)
2 more days to christmas... YAY!!!...
WhAt iS LoVe?-`
`Sometimes @ 10:26 PM
just watch Madascar, Penguins in a Christmas Caper clip just now.. Although its only 12 mins, its very nice.. Its funny, filled with seasonal greetings, and the penguins are cute..lol.. Well if u got the chance to watch it, better watch it.. its a clip not to be missed!! :)
2 more days to christmas... YAY!!!...
WhAt iS LoVe?-`
`Sometimes @ 9:59 PM
American Pie ROCKS!!!
Just finish watching American Pie-- Band Camp.. Its damn nice.. :) Its one of the better movies that i've seen so far... COmedy + Romance + a liithle bit of mischief and sex in it.. not sure wat the rating is though.. but dont worry, its bold
WhAt iS LoVe?-`
`Sometimes @ 5:03 PM
it seems that we are not fated to meet up.. lol.. everytime u call or sms me, either my phone died or im didnt hear my phone ring... and everytime i sms u or call u, u didnt reply or answer... well, just not sure wat u r thinking... and that fate has made it clear that we shld meet up.. :P 2 more weeks till school starts man... and we have to start work in two weeks time again... u are most probably busy right now with all the preparation for school... haha.. seems like i'll be the first one to make u break ur promise.. a promise that only u and i will know :D Best regards. look after ur health k? really hope u can recover from watever illness u have... :)
dear someone,
WhAt iS LoVe?-`
`Sometimes @ 9:21 PM
today i went to watch king kong.. felt so bored that i just want to grab any movie ticket and start rotting in the cinema.. the show is quite lame actually.. HOw on earth could a monkey fell in love with a human??? on well.. and so the storey just went on with all the adventure and excitment on how that king kong got to fall in love with her.. OHH and the ending was VERY sad! and this is wat the actors said in the movie: why would the king kong cornered hinself by climbing on top of the tower? cos he is stupid! he made himself an easy target for the planes.. and got killed by them.. no.. it was the beauty who killed the beast.. well, the only reason why he made it on top that tower was because he wanted to watch the sun rise with his love.. and he is willing to give up this oppuntity of escaping and surviving. Instead, he wanted to watch the sunrise with her.. In the end the King Kong died. Sad ending.. and i hate sad endings! To me, the show is still lame.. but one good thing about king kong than human dont possess; he is willing to give up his life while humans dont
Haizzz.. having a very bad day from last night till now... my computer gave up on me again.. and i thought i might just revive it with my miracle hands.. then all my information were lost.. (normally that wouldnt happen).. :( then my phone died too leaving half a day without handphone.. and i leave my charger in camp, so i have to go back and take... now i just feel like getting away from this computer, sit somewhere and start rotting.. i miss my rotting days.. staring into blank space watching people walk by.. no worries... argggg!! Just hope my luck will change tomorrow...
WhAt iS LoVe?-`
`Sometimes @ 10:54 PM
Dear Someone,
i dunt really know why u are so upset, but i would really like to see u smile again.. it just hurts when u know ur friends are unhappy.. All of us will go thru that part of life that u are experience now.. and all of us have lived thru it.. and survived.. so i hope u can really be strong ..
i really hope i can see u smile again oneday.. and when that day comes, i'll be smiling with u too! ;)
WhAt iS LoVe?-`
`Sometimes @ 9:09 PM
ICEP ended yesterday.. officially... I wasnt at the airport.. I wanted to send them off..but i was just too busy with budgeting at HQ.. I didnt say goodbye to all my clts, my specialists, and my icep cadets and volunteers.. but i knew that alot of people cried at the airport..
all good things will come to an end someday.. To all those who have contributed to the success of this ICEP, i thank You! Lets hope that all of u will keep in touch with each other! Mayb someday, all of u will meet up with each other..lets all wait for that day! :)
WhAt iS LoVe?-`
`Sometimes @ 7:58 PM
its friday today.. 3 more days before the ICEP ends.. we had mess event last night and dinner at british club the night before.. it had been quite enjoyable. I have seen people dance, people cried and people hugging each other.. well, i guess this really means a lot to them.. Last night, amardeep said a touching speech that i didnt expect would come out from her month, well and guess what, it made some of the delegates and teachers cried.. he actually put in a lot of effort for this course.. and my attitude towards him has changed.. well, mayb all of us didnt getto see his good side and just made comments on his bad side..
WhAt iS LoVe?-`
`Sometimes @ 9:10 PM
just finish clt course pop.. very sianzz right now.. feeling very empty also.. mayb thats the feeling u will get when u are single...
WhAt iS LoVe?-`
`Sometimes @ 10:20 PM
its the december period.. thats means christmas is coming.. YEA! my moms b'day was yesterday.. but i didnt really celebrate for her.. she is so-called the "inactive type". She does like to go out to eat cos its costy, ans she very thrifty...
Im in ICEP right now.. with all the foreign cadets and teachers.. well, its a long story why im here and i dont think i want to explain it..
WhAt iS LoVe?-`
`Sometimes @ 3:02 PM
