- So far, it has been very happening when I'm with my Dear. During the new year, we went out practically everyday. We even went on a day day trip to batam. Though this is the second time I'm there, the feeling of going there with your love one is different. I could see that our love for each other had indeed grown tremendously. During the batam trip, something happened. She forgot to extend her passport and we ended up talking to the custom officer in his office. Thanks to our faithful God, all things still managed to go on smoothly. So far, my life has been transformed ever since I met God. He brought Jessica into my life to change me. He gave me strength when I needed it, and answer our prayers all the time. Our God is truly a wonderful God.
Yesterday, we celebrated our 1st valentine's together. I can say that this is my first time celebrating valentine because I don't really celebrate valentine's. During valentine's. I'm always alone. But this year, it is different. I have my dear with me. I made roses and stars for her. This is the first time I'm made roses. And thanks to our alrighty God, He made it possible. As I continue my life journey with God, I pray that he will continue to transform me, and continue to grow strong in the realtionship that I had with jessica.
God, thank you for all your blessings.
Dear, I hope that our love can withstand thicks and thins and overcome any obstacles that is in the way. With God's strength, I know that everything will me possible through Him!
Dear, I love you!
`Sometimes @ 11:43 AM
- It was Chinese new year eve yesterday. I had reunion dinner at home. My mom was around, but my dad wasn't. He had to work. Sad that my dad can't join us for dinner. Every year, it is only this time when we came together to eat dinner together. And it was a rare occasion that my mom don't have to work early. After that, I went out with my dear to chinatown to shop. There was something unexpected that happened though. She torn her shorts on the bus. That time, I really don't know what to do. I can't buy her shorts, because I don't know what design she wants. So I bought a T-shirt so she could tie around her waist to cover the shorts. We hugged, kissed and embraced each other throughout the night. It was really romantic. And this is the 1st time I held her hands. I just love her so much. But dear, actually I have something to tell you, but I don't know how to say it.
Dear,
Its been truly a great time when you're with me. I enjoyed every moment of it. The joy, happiness, sadness and tears. But as my love for you grows stronger each day, I'm also getting more and more fearful that I might lose you one day. I didn't dare to give my 100%, because there are just too many uncertainties. I'm afraid that mingli might not approve us. I'm afraid that you might not love me one day. I'm afraid that your 'daddy' might say that he likes you. I'm afraid of losing you. Somehow, I know that we have to face reality. Things don't last forever. And so, I'm trying to protect myself from getting hurt by not giving my best. I'm sorry dear. But I truly love you.
My friend once told me: Why do you always think so much? Why can't you treasure and enjoy what you have now and worry later? In a way, I have to agree to him. I know that I must treasure our every moment with you now because we don't know what the future holds for us. But right now, I want to make every moment count. I want to continue to love her deeply. Even if we breakup one day, I wouldn't regret it because I know that I have truly love you before with all my heart.
Dear.. I love you!
-- your dear
`Sometimes @ 1:46 PM
- Things were really dramatic yesterday. I don't know what really happened to me. But one thing I know for sure, I made my dear sad, and angry. I wasn't really in the mood to meet her and send her home, but God gave me that direction, and I want to go with it. But in the end, I didn't. I have never done something as dramatic as this before. I walked out on her. But she followed, despite her muscleaches. And I think I'm a total jerk. I don't even know why I do that for. Maybe I just felt like being alone. Then when I lost her, I went back to look for her. I was worried that she might not be able to take it and collapse. But when I caught up with her, I ignored her again. And this time round, she didn't turn back. She continued to walk till I completely lost her. I called, but my tone was a bit unfriendly. And in the end, she got fed up and took a cab home. All this could have been prevented if I have controlled myself, my emotions. I just got fed up when she made me waited for an hour when I could have gone to buy my shoes. But guys are suppose to wait for girls, isnt it? I think it might be the devil inside me that made me lost control. Then I felt really guilty for not sending her home because I think God wanted me to do so. And I guilty making her took cab home, and making her walk long distances. I really hope that this would not happen again. Please God, don't make it happen again. I know that I have to end this problem that I have created, so I made a trip down to her house to apologise, despite me knowing that my mom will definitely scold me if I go home late. But if I don't resolve the problem immediately, it might just get worse. I don't want it to get worse, because I love her. The day before was the first day I receive a kiss from a girl, and the first day I kissed anyone on the lips. And it was fantastic. But yesterday was terrible. Thank God that she forgave me. But I know that no matter how many apologises I made, I have already created scars in her heart. And scares don't go away easily. I really hope that I won't create any more scars in the future.
`Sometimes @ 11:01 AM
