- Today, I put an end to things. Finally. I can still see that Jessica is still quite attached to me when I went to the movies with her yesterday. I know that it would come to a sad ending somehow, but I just have to face it. Now that I think of it, the more you don't want to break a person's heart, the more you'll break it. I have done all the pre-emptive measures that should be done, and I hope that she wouldn't cry this time. I don't know if we'll feel awkward if we see each other again. I just hope we don't. I actually planned out everything I wanted to do for her birthday. The plan seems so perfect. But I guess I won't be carrying it out now. I don't want to give myself anymore hope, nor do I want to give her anymore hope. This has definitely have to stop today. Here. Now.
Haiz, but I do feel sad that it has to turn out this way. All this while, she seems so perfect for me. She is exactly the type of girl that I'm looking for. But unfortunately, we met at the wrong timing. This type of things always have to happen to me, and I don't know why. Sometimes, I feel so funny that I just want to laugh at myself. Now that we had a clear cut that we could only bre friends, I guess there is nothing to worry about from here on.
All this while, I have been talking to her, expressing my thoughts and feelings for her, but all this while, all she has been doing is listening. I just want to know how she feels, but she just doesn't want to say it. She may have said that she likes me on msn, but she has never personally told me that. And I guess I'll never have that chance anymore. And day by day, I starts to doubt this love I had for her. I feel like running away. And by letting it go, I guess I am indeed running away from it. I starts to get cold towards her. This is the only way i guess. I lost my passion for her (though I know that I still love her, and thinks of her every now and then). And once I have completely let go or lost this feeling that I once had for her, it isn't going to come back. I never love the same person twice. If I ever did, it isn't going to be as deep as the first time I loved her.
When I looked at her yesterday, I realise that she is still as beautiful in my eyes as she was before. As cute and lovely as before. But I can't tell her all that. I don't want things to get out of hand. I don't want our feelings to went in deeper. This relationship that we had is hopeless already.
After I sent her the message this morning, I know that I have reached a point of no return. There aren't turning back now. I just hope that things get better from here on. Please pray for me...
`Sometimes @ 11:53 AM
