- Lost my hard disk on monday. Yes.. its a 40G hard disk! Not a 256 or 512MB thumbdrive. But guess what? I ended up laughing at myself. I think I'm seriously going crazy nowadays. Then mother was there nagging at me these few days for some stuff which i obviously did not do. Then she tries to restrict my freedom. Why cant she be like other parents? Why cant she give me more freedom and let me do what i like? The fact that she still restricts my freedom shows that she still treats me as a kid, and doesnt trust whatever i do. But, she was not totally in the wrong too. I just have to blame myself for keeping everything to myself and making her worried. Maybe that's her reason for the overwhelming concern that she's showing me.
I get very confused about my own feelings sometimes. Its like, you want to do something, but when you think again, you dont feel like doing it. And when the thing you do concerns your love ones, you will be so afraid of doing it cos you'll be scared that you might hurt them.
I finally understand something that i was puzzled all along. And for all this while, i always blamed them for what happened. But actually, the problem lies in me. Sorting out my own feelings and driving clear of all these contradictions is still essential path i must take before i can do anything else.
Hate myself when I think too much... Haiz
`Sometimes @ 11:52 AM
